View from Behind the Machine(s): Open/Honest
Personal life affected my work environment this week, as I didn’t want to be present in my performance any longer. I alluded to it briefly, but I am feeling a very childish form of inadequacy as far as being a performer is concerned, so I decided one day to announce such in my log book with a sharp “suck it! I’m not going to be nice today so don’t ask any questions” notice, and one guest took the time to read my announcement, and as I spotted him doing so I realized that I was cutting myself off from connecting with visitors in order to make clear the concept of the piece, as some people are curious and want to chat: “what are you doing?” Making white t-shirts (duuuh). But this visitor lingered and observed the videos then moved on. After he left the room I revised my statement to simply say that ‘the performer will field all questions through email. Please leave your name, email address, and a detailed question and you will receive a response within the week.” He came back through and read the new announcement. I left for lunch. When I came back, to my surprise, someone had left a note! I believe it was the visitor I was observing. He asked if I bought brand name clothes, or clothing that was obviously produced in slave conditions (my answer is no, and no: I refuse to participate in such a form of production*) *Although my strictly ‘anti-globalization’ stand point has been slightly shifted (I’ll post about that later)…
I am planning on emailing this visitor for a more in depth conversation on the matter, so I will refrain from preaching in this forum, but he also noted that he wouldn’t have conjured up such thoughts, or pondered such questions if I had been in a ‘good normal mood’. I read this and it was a huge gust of wind: wow. Wow! How refreshing to hear that honesty, even in such a specific and ‘hallowed’ forum, was not only well received but important! I felt really humbled that my bad mood and lack of ‘shame’ if you will, could bring about such a intriguing discussion and new connection!
The fight is to be honest, and with that, to allow other’s honest to intrigue, inspired, and ignite—not defeating and burdensome to you.
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